Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
