why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
