come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
