i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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