Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
