At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
