Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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