I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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