Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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