Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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