if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
