bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
