You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
