You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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