I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
