she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize