Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
