gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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