I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
