Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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