Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
