this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
