It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
