actually, I'm a sock model
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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