After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
