Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
