nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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