return my video game
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
