You work out of a Hotel?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
