Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
