If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
