Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
