I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
