the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
