Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
