It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
