tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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