My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
