You were right. It hurts to walk today.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
