May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Randomize
