he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
