guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
