So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
