Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
