I wish my penis had an off switch
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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