where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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