do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
