did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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