i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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