I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
