There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can I color on your dick again?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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