I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
