Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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