sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
