just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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