I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
