Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
