i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
