break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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