eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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