i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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