AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We need to rekindle our bromance
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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