I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
