I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
