he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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