epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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